i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
