So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
