After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize