I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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