mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
