I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
