omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
