Buhtt sex?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
