You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize