I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
