no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
