True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
