But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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