Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
