But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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