I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
