You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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