He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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