Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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