His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BRING THE BAGELS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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