The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you inspire me to be a worse person
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
