That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My feet surprised me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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