Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
