I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
