you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
