even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
