I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
