I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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