I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
