Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The Olympian is in my bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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