Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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