I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
