I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
