hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
