i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
