Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
