i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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