dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
