Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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