Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
