So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
