1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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