You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
