sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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