It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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