So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
