How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
