she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
