Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
