she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
MIDGETS
????
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
