Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
