yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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