I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
