Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
