I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
