onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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