this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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