Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My vagina is officially offended.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
