Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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