You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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