you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
