Betty ford says i'm here all night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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