Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
