I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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