I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just had sex bonerless
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
