make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
