Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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