Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
