I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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